Sometimes I wonder...lately, mostly, if life wouldn't be better if I could just fit. Be part of something...belong.
All my life I felt like I never belonged anywhere. Anywhere but alone, with my books, my thoughts, my gay flics, my magazines, my songs...
I must be the most boring person ever. I don't do drugs, or should I say "drugs", cause no one but me consider most of the things a drug.
I drink, occasionaly, socially...can't stand the pot smell, or any cigarette for that matter...I think is absolutely stupid to smoke some weed and laugh about the ant crawling up the wall...
I don't wanna be the boring girl, that stays far from the group, quiet, arms crossed, staring at the distance, and that doesn't know how to roll a cigarette, to shoot some coke...to see the colors when u snif something alucinogenous...
That never did anything like that, that doesnt like beer, or E, or Ice, or any other contraction of letters that mean chemicals over chemicals.
I like my quiet times...my space sometimes...i like smart people, even tho I don't consider myself smart enough to exchange conversations about anything. I don think a lot tho, and talk to myself in my head, and others...
I like, to cuddle sometimes....and sometimes not.
I like to cook once in a while, even tho I am not that good at eat.
i like drinks that are not available here, I love chocolate...I hate that my dog is so retarded that she sits in the rain for hours...
I might not like my girlfriend high on dope...I might have to work on overcoming that.
Maybe if I could get myself to like those things...
Mabe if I just, sniffed, smelled, ate, drank, shot, smoked, licked, patched, every single thing that other people around me do...i could feel like I belonged.
Belonged to a group of friends, a group of freaks, a group of risk, a group of AA, NA, a group of "normal" people...any group.
I guess I just feel more like a teenager today that ever...
Smog - Teenage Spaceship Lyrics
Flying around
The houses at night
Flying alone
A teenage spaceship
I was a teenage spaceship
Landing at night
I was beautiful with all my lights
Loomed so large on the horizon
So large, people thought my windows
Were stars
So large on the horizon
People thought my windows
Were stars
A teenage spaceship
A teenage spaceship
And i swore i'd never lay like a log
Bark like a dog
I was a teenage smog
Sewn to the sky





